Of course not. You grew up.

Same with Father Christmas. At some point you noticed his gift tags were in the same handwriting as your mum's. Case closed. You'd learned to tell fact from fantasy.

Here's the tricky part. Telling fact from feelings is much harder.

Feelings are powerful. They quietly shape the life you live, and they never stop to check the facts. If you believe something strongly enough, your feelings will get to work making it happen.

Think of them as a sat-nav. They take you exactly where you told them to go, even if you typed in the wrong address.

Careful what you wish for

You get what you feel, not what you ask for.

• Pray for a partner because you feel lonely? The real message is "I'm lonely", and that's what grows.
• Wish desperately for money? The real message is "I haven't got enough", and that grows too.
• Say thank you for what you already have? The real message is "I'm lucky". Guess what grows then?

Changing a belief: an example

Lots of us believe guilt is good for us, as if it keeps us on our best behaviour.

But mostly guilt just makes you feel small and ashamed. Feeling small has never fixed anything.

Try swapping it for this: "When I get something wrong, I own it and put it right."

Same honesty. None of the misery. You feel more in control, and a lot happier.

Do you believe…

• …life just happens to you, and there's not much you can do about it?
• …getting old means becoming a burden?
• …life is all about survival of the fittest?
• …scientists are always completely objective?
• …what your five senses tell you is all there is?

If you nodded along to any of those, you're in good company. Most people never question them. But poke them a bit and they start to wobble.

Take the last one. Bats find their way in the dark using sound. Bees see colours we can't. Your phone picks up signals you'll never hear. So reality is much bigger than what your senses report.

A more useful belief would be:

"My senses show me a small slice of reality."

When you go digging through your own beliefs, you might find a few like these:

• I don't deserve good things.
• Nobody could really love me.
• My parents messed me up.
• I always pick the wrong people.
• I can't trust anyone.
• I have to fight for everything.
• I'm always broke.

They feel like facts. They're not. They're habits of thought that have hung around so long they've started paying rent.

If you want a loving partner but secretly believe you're unlovable, which one wins? The feeling. Every time.

So put the belief on trial. Where's the evidence? Would you say it to a friend? Usually the case falls apart. Then you can swap it for something truer, like "I've got plenty of love to give."